Ahem. You remember all those posts I wrote about creating my own comics and doing more art? Well…that’s being put on hold for a while. I would love to get good at drawing. I would love to complete comics. Yet, I don’t have the motivation for it lately. I know I must practice drawing to get good at it, and I would love to be as good as other artists I’ve seen, yet I suppose I’m not currently willing to do what it takes to get to their level. I also don’t seem to have the motivation to continue my comics. Perhaps I will return to these things someday. I really should. But, for now, the Duck must take a break from them.
You see, my original love was writing. I always wanted to be an author, not an artist. If someone could snap their fingers and make me an artist, I’d do it. Yes, please! I love beautiful art and wish I could make it and probably could if I kept trying. Nevertheless, right now, I have returned to writing, and it feels like less of a chore. I know people shouldn’t give up on things, but at the same time, if you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, should you keep doing it? Perhaps not. Lately, I have not enjoyed drawing or working on my comic (even if the end result is something I would really like, if only the process to get there wasn’t so tedious), but now that I have returned to writing, I have enjoyed doing it so much more than my other projects. And so it may be time to focus on writing again.
I have so much more of a knack for writing than drawing, it seems. It comes much more naturally and easily, especially after I began writing fan fiction again several months ago. Drawing is hard. Drawing is really hard. And I work and work at it, and it never turns out that good, and I don’t have fun doing it because it’s so difficult. It’ll only get easier the more I do it, but until then, it’s more a pain than anything, and that’s not how you should feel about your passions. For me, writing is easy, which makes it more fun, and I have been improving much more quickly in it than I have been in my art. Just over the last few months, I have noticed huge improvements. I write a chapter in my notebook, then, when I get around to typing it, I can think of so many new ways to make it better. It’s such a satisfying process watching the pages fill up with words, then fixing it up paragraph by paragraph until it’s so much better. I have fun doing it, and I have fun looking at what resulted from my work.
And so, to make a long story a bit shorter, I have decided I would really like to pursue my writing seriously this time. I have given half-hearted attempts to write and get something published in the past, but starting fan fiction again has reminded me how badly I wanted to be an author and how much I used to love to write. In fact, not long ago, I had this dream that inspired a story. Currently, I am not disclosing the details of this story, but it is honestly one of the best original story ideas I have ever come up with. Not to be unrealistic and in fantasyland, but I really believe that this story stands the greatest chance of being published of any other idea I’ve had so far.
Seriously. I really think it can make it, but it all depends on if I can pull it off. I don’t know. Maybe I can. Maybe it will fail and will sit in a drawer for years until I can take it out and make it better, until it’s good enough for a publisher to take it. But, I really think I can do it, even if I can’t do it right now, but someday. But, I can’t give up like I did on my art. It is hard to succeed in everything, and if I am to get anywhere with my dreams, I really must narrow them down to a select few. I have chosen writing. Art can come later if I so choose, but I want to be a writer again. I want to go after my goal full-steam this time. I don’t expect to get rich. Or famous. Or publish a whole lot. But I want to publish at least this one thing. And maybe I’ll turn my two comic stories into novels, as well. Maybe I can’t turn them into comics, but perhaps I can make them into something I’m better suited for.
So I’m doing it again. I never tried very hard to be published before, but I really want it, more than ever this time. I just have to go for it. It’s impossible if I try so half-heartedly as I have been. But, it’s quite possible if I really try with all my might and do whatever it takes. Wish me luck.
Okay, and if you’d like some hints about my story (unsure if it will be a short story or a novel), it’s a horror story. That’s right, horror. Normally, I do fantasy or science fiction, but this time, it’s horror, but not about monsters. It’s about the human mind. And the monsters in our own head. Then again, is it about monsters? You’d just have to read it to find out….
Duck, Extra Determined Version