It is now day 5 (or topic 5, as I am way beyond day 5) of my 30 day video game posts, which focuses on a game character I think I am most like (or wish I was), though this may or may not already be pretty clear from the title. This is a rather hard one. There are a lot of characters out there, and there are some I share similarities with and some I don’t. But, I am really not sure who I am most like, and it’s a strangely embarrassing question, I think. I’d sound like a weirdo if I said, I don’t know, I was like Samus. What a conceited jerk I’d seem like to everyone. I think I’m similar to the super awesome bounty hunter from the “Metroid” series? Yeah, right. No one compares to Samus because she is awesome. Well, no, I wouldn’t choose her anyway, as I am nothing like Samus. Perhaps that counts as a character I wish I was like, but still. That’s not a good topic, either, as there are a lot of characters I wish I was like. I wish I was cool and brave like Samus. I wish I was as sweet and kind as Sora from “Kingdom Hearts”. I mean, who doesn’t have a dozen characters they wish they were like?
So that brings me back to which character I think I’m most like. Well, none of the heroes, that’s for sure. None of the villains, either, fortunately. I’m neither heroic nor villainous. So I guess I’d have to go with a minor character. After thinking long and hard, for much longer and much harder than I really should have been, I decided on one particular character I may share the most similarities with. This character would be the not-so-well-known Vin from “Jak II”.
You may remember the post I wrote on this guy. Vin is this nervous, nerdy character that manages the Power Station of Haven City. While I certainly don’t do anything important like he does, I believe our personalities have some unfortunate similarities. For one thing, I am super nervous like Vin is. I’m sick to my stomach right now. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because there are a million things out there to be sick to your stomach about. Where to begin? I may not fear Metal Heads as Vin does (if they existed, I’m sure I would), but I do fear all manner of illnesses, clowns, natural disasters, bears, crime, bear-clown hybrids, and that fateful day I just know is coming when a large spider is going to end up in my house or the smoke detector will go off due to low batteries, and I will not currently possess the necessary skills to stop it. I also dread the day my computer finally dies. Or gets so dang old, it simply isn’t compatible with anything anymore. Heck, I was nervous enough when Youtube was acting up on my computer (I love Youtube).
I am also paranoid. While Vin thinks everyone, including Baron Praxis, is out to get him, I have suspected others were out to get me, too. There were multiple occasions where I was alone with someone, and the thought suddenly went through my head that, if they decided to kill me, what would I do? How would I fight back? And if I failed, would anyone ever find my body? (Well, I’m not going into the middle of nowhere with people, but a duck body may be pretty easy to hide due to our small and compact size, and my corpse may spend years in the ventilation ducts in the ceiling, which is surprisingly fitting, as the word ducts sounds like ducks.) I started to panic inside, thinking this is a prime murder location. If I was a murderer, surely I would murder myself here. If they wanted to do it here, they would probably succeed. Oh, if I just hadn’t made the decision to go here with them, I would have lived a long and happy life. Or I worry that when we’re driving somewhere, someone is going to take a detour to drive me out into the middle of nowhere and butcher me rather than continue on to our planned destination (I’ll drive to the comicon alone next time, thank you very much!). That’s the reason why I do the driving. Plus, people drive like maniacs, with their lane-changing and their lack of turn signals. You always know when I’m going to change lanes. Always. No surprises driving behind this duck. You’ll just be stuck driving the speed limit. Sorry.
Also, it is not part of the game itself, but “Jak 3” has these goofy interviews with the characters, and while it is not canon, the characters are still, well, in-character. Anyway, in this interview, Vin is also bothered by “people getting too close” and germs, which is why he doesn’t shake hands. I don’t like people getting near me, either. I don’t hug. I also don’t see the appeal of kissing (get your face away from my face; I’m not food!) or holding hands (I don’t want to touch your clammy mitts, either!). I also usually don’t like people sitting next to me. I know I’m on a full-sized couch, but sit on the other couch. My bubble of solitude needs a good ten-foot radius. I also don’t like shaking hands. It’s filthy. We’re going to have an epidemic that will spread like wildfire because of this bizarre ritual to grasp the hands of everyone you meet. You don’t know what disease they have. If they have leprosy or some other affliction of the epidermis. If they wiped their nose or coughed or sneezed on their hand. You don’t know if they washed their hands or not after they went to the bathroom. You can’t know these things, and it would be rude to ask, and yet you are expected to touch other people and get their germs on you. Why? I say we do away with the whole thing.
So there you have it. I share the unappealing characteristics of a guy described as “pathetic” and “a bit crazy” by other characters in the game. Which are words possibly bouncing around the minds of my readers right now. …Hey, you guys aren’t, perchance, considering to murder me, are you? Oh, what’s wrong with me, now you know I’m on to you, which will only make my assailants all the more sneaky. Must lock doors and keep Keyblade close by… Not that I don’t always do that anyway…
The Duck is Keeping a Close Eye on You….