Tag Archives: sonic team

Drawing Rouge 10 Years Later

A few weeks ago, I drew a revised version of my OC, Gretchen the dragon lady, which I originally doodled way back in 2009.  Recently, I recreated another character that I first drew in 2009, Rouge the Bat from the Sonic the Hedgehog series.  (I was in the mood to draw her thanks to my ongoing playthrough of Sonic Adventure 2 over on Virtual Bastion’s Youtube channel….) Continue reading Drawing Rouge 10 Years Later

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Top Songs from Sonic Unleashed

The music of most “Sonic” games nowadays seems to consist mainly of rock and rap, something I am not particularly fond of, which is why it was a welcome break to play “Sonic Unleashed”, which has a largely different style of music, more like the traditional music of most games, which I prefer.  Due to this change in music style, “Sonic Unleashed” has my favorite “Sonic” music, and I have listed the top 10 here.

            10. “Chun-Nan: Dragon Road-Night” is a fast song that I think has an interesting sound to it, with a kind of flute-sounding instrument during a lot of it.  My favorite part is at 1:55.

            9. “Spagonia: Rooftop Run-Night” plays in the narrow alleys of some Rome-like town at night, and I think the song gives the place a mysterious, lonely feel.

            8. “Holoska: Cool Edge-Night” is a lovely song that fits well with this lovely location, a place of ice and snow with the ocean far below and the Aurora Borealis above.  My favorite part is around 1:13.

            7. “Adabat: Jungle Joyride-Night” plays in an island stage at night, and I find this song to be quite lovely, but it also makes me a bit sad.  I like the instrument used in much of it, which I think is a cello or something similar.  (This song makes me think of “Vexx” a little, especially the music that plays in the Below….)

            6. “Shamar: Arid Sands-Day” is a rather fast and fun song that plays in the desert stages during the daytime.

            5. “Chun-Nan: Hub-Night” plays in the town in Chun-Nan at night, and it is a slower song that I find to be lovely and soothing.  I especially like the part at 0:23.

            4. “Shamar: Hub-Day” plays in the desert town in Shamar during the day, and I find it to be a lot of fun to listen to.

            3. “Chun-Nan: Dragon Road-Day” is just a good song, but I’m not good at describing it.  I just like it.  And I like that drum you hear here and there.

            2. “Shamar: Arid Sands-Night” is awesome, and I’m not usually into jazzy music.  But, this particular song is just great.  Take a listen.

            1. “Eggman Land-Day” is, obviously, my favorite song, and I think it fits really well with Dr. Eggman’s weird amusement park, factory-ish place.  I think the song sounds rather sinister, and I especially like the beginning.  Why not listen, my dearies!

Eggduck Land

Sonic Unleashed, With Less Emphasis on the Sonic Part

After recently selling two positively unpleasant “Sonic” games, “Sonic and the Secret Rings” and “Sonic Colors” (the latter of which seems to be well-liked by everyone on the planet but me), and the fact that I am considering whether or not “Sonic Heroes” and “Shadow the Hedgehog” should be wished away into the cornfield, as well (“Twilight Zone” reference…), I started to wonder if I was losing the affection I used to have for “Sonic” games.  Strangely, after playing such bad “Sonic” games to ensure that they were indeed sell-forever worthy, I got in the mood to play “Sonic Unleashed” and was pleased to find that I still found this game quite delightful to play.

            This game once again has Eggman causing the world trouble, this time by breaking the planet apart in order to release a creature called Dark Gaia.  With the release of Dark Gaia, people begin to act strangely at night, and poor Sonic finds himself turning into a fluffy , but powerful werehog every night (with strangely elastic arms, which I suppose is useful, but also very goofy, making me cringe for a while until I got used to it).  The game involves Sonic traveling to different continents of the world trying to restore them, all with the aid of this strange little creature who can’t remember who he is, whom Sonic dubbed as Chip.

            So unlike other games of the series, this game involves two forms of gameplay, the regular gameplay we’re used to during the day, with Sonic showing off his mad hedgehog speed, and at night, you play as werehog Sonic, which is much more about platforming and beating up enemies.  These much more slow-paced levels seem out of place in a “Sonic” game, which, in the past, always revolved around Sonic’s speed.  Sonic’s ability to run through these levels a hundred miles an hour is what sets these games apart from other platformers like “Mario” or “Kirby” (the former of which, for me, seems to revolve around Mario’s terribly slick shoes).  And so it seems a bit strange to split the game up between normal “Sonic”-style levels and slow-paced enemy-fighting-fests.  To top it off, there are hardly any day stages compared to night ones.  Most locations have one day stage and at least three night stages.

            As a result, some may say this game failed as a “Sonic” game, as most of the gameplay has nothing whatsoever to do with the Sonic we’re used to.  It would be like a “Mario” game where Mario gained extraordinary speed and sped through levels (possibly without his slick shoes, too).  I’m not entirely sure why Sonic Team decided to make this game barely like a “Sonic” game at all.

            And yet, at the same time, I enjoyed it.  It can barely be called a “Sonic” game.  In that area, it really did fail.  But, as a game, I think they still did a good job.  I really enjoyed the game.  I like the locations, based on various places throughout the world, like Rome, China, and of course, islands and deserts and ice places like any self-respecting platformer would have.  The music was a delight (I don’t like the rock and rap they keep having in “Sonic” games lately, and this one uses more traditional video game music).  And then there’s, of course, the gameplay.

            First off, the day stages are the most fun.  They are the fast-paced levels all “Sonic” fans love, and I find these to be some of the most fun “Sonic” levels I have ever played.  Anyone who’s played a “Sonic” game is familiar with such levels, so there’s not much else to say.  There’re just great, and they’re quite challenging, too, if you want an S score.

            What is different about this game are the night stages, and while they aren’t as good as the day ones (werehog Sonic is so slow compared to regular Sonic), I still had a good time with them, when they weren’t frustrating as heck.  These levels involve platforming, as I said, which is the best part of these areas, plus I like the locations.  All the while, you should also be on the lookout for secret items (which appear in the day stages, as well, but with the faster pace of those stages, you don’t really spend time looking for them so much, as you usually just happen to run through them before you really even registered they were there).  These items get you tips, music, videos, and my favorite, concept art.  These stages also make good use of the Wiimote (for the Wii-users like myself), and while I’m getting a little tired of the Wiimote, they manage to make the ways you move the controller more varied, which makes it less tedious, as it’s not simply shaking the Wiimote to attack, but moving it in a circular motion and swinging it and other such things.

            What I don’t like is how annoying these levels are.  And the fighting.  I hate the fighting.  Okay, sometimes the platforming could be frustrating.  Sometimes there are weird jumps that you fail, and these weird jumps make me mad.  But, the fighting is what makes the night stages drag on at times.  So many enemies.  Wave after wave sometimes.  And these dumb bees you gotta chase down because they’re so fast, and you are swinging the controllers around like a moron trying to hit them.  And those wizards prove to be pretty nimble, as well.  And then you repeatedly get stunned when these enemies off to the side decide to shoot electricity at you.  And don’t even get me started on those big enemies with the clubs.  Just, come on.  I mean, really.  Usually, I could handle the fighting, but sometimes it was just…  Yuck.

            But, really, it is a fun game.  Overall, it is.  I couldn’t help but be delighted by it, while at the same time baffled at their decision to have so few day stages in comparison to night.  Honestly, the night stages were likely a bad idea for a “Sonic” game, even if they were usually fun.  But, at least balance it out with regular stages.  Or better yet, have the emphasis on the day stages, not the night ones.  It is a “Sonic” game, after all, and the game should focus on, well, itself.  The night stages were just too much of a departure from what we expect for it to take the main focus of the game.  (The final world has one day stage and five night ones.  Five!)  I’m fine with some changes being made to the gameplay of these games, or at least, I’m fine with variety, if they decide to do some different things again in the future.  They just can’t forget that they are making a “Sonic” game.

Were-Duck

I Unleash My Frustrations on the Force Unleashed

My poor Wii, like the GameCube, has turned into a cesspit of less-than-desirable games.  The first console I get when a new generation comes out is one of the Nintendo variety (though, this time I have my eyes on the PS4, if nothing good for Nintendo comes out before “Kingdom Hearts 3”), and so only having one current console with which to occupy my time, I end up buying a bunch of games I wouldn’t otherwise have gotten just to have new games to play.  I have purged some of these games from my Cube collection, and now I have been working on doing the same with the Wii.

            First to go was “Donkey Kong Barrel Blast” (I really, really don’t know why I got that), this goofy racing game.  Then, “Sonic and the Secret Rings”, which is a game that would also surprise no one that’s played it that it’s on my sell list.  Besides simply being a rotten game, the worst part about it is the truly terrible controls, where you move Sonic around by tilting the Wiimote, a nearly impossible task if there ever was one.  Not tilting the Wiimote, controlling Sonic by tilting the Wiimote.  Not to mention the fact that having to hold the jump button to jump rather than tapping it is a pain, resulting in Sonic simply not jumping at all half the time, and I quickly grew sick of all the music that was clearly meant to be “cool”.  I also got rid of the really boring, really difficult “Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night”, despite the fact that this ruins my perfect trilogy.  And since I got rid of that, I decided to get rid of the very boring “A New Beginning”, as well, on the Cube (may as well, my trilogy is destroyed now anyway) leaving me with just the third game “Dawn of the Dragon”, the only one that is fairly okay, but may also get sold eventually, too.  I also got rid of “Sonic Colors”.  It’s just too childish, and I can’t stand listening to a grown man yell out silly things every time I use one of those special power-ups.  “Blue!”  “Frenzy!”  “Laser!”  How about “shut up!”

            And so that brings me to another game I am selling and the subject of this post, “Star Wars: The Force Unleashed”.  This game was supposed to be awesome.  I know ads are intended to make their products look great, no matter how not-great they actually are, but despite that, this game should still have been great.  You can control Darth Vader’s secret apprentice, Starkiller, who has all these epic Force powers, and in the Wii version, you get to control a lightsaber with the Wiimote.  How could this not end up being awesome?

            Well, for several reasons.  It’s boring.  Yeah, it’s potentially cool exploring locations from “Star Wars”.  But, it’s boring.  It just is.  And funnily enough, while I found the game too hard at first, on my second time through, it was too easy.  I just stood there blocking shots, which would bounce back and kill everyone.  Or I would just stand there, and whenever an enemy ran up to me, I’d pick them up and toss them at someone else.  Or Force choke them.  The lightsaber was actually the most ineffective weapon of all, despite being possibly the coolest weapon of all time (after Keyblades).  When I used it, I’d get my butt kicked, but when I just zapped everyone with lightning or tossed them into walls, then, I’d do pretty good.  In the end, just running through each location, defeating silly enemies that are immune to being chopped up with lightsabers, but not a bump in the head, got boring after a while.  And then I get stuck fighting a bunch of bosses that I simply zap or toss things at because, once again, the lightsaber is useless, and you’ll get pounded to dust if you attempt to actually run up to a boss and slash at them with it (And how many frickin’ rancors do I need to fight?!).

            Also, since your character is with the Dark Side, well, he’s bad (Spoiler Alert: until later…).  And while I’m usually fine with controlling bad characters (I always prefer being Shadow the Hedgehog over Sonic, and I found controlling Organization XIII in “358/2 Days” to be awesome, despite the fact that their move-sets ended up being a lot more limited than I would have liked, but it was still a delightful disappointment, as far as disappointments go), there are just too many scenes of our playable character Force choking people or blowing them up, and it’s just weird.  Whether he is killing good characters or bad, I just am not in the mood to watch the main character torture others.  It’s one thing when a villain hurts someone else, but he’s the playable character, darn it!  Controlling this sicko, I almost feel like I’m naughty, too.  And I’m not!  I’m not a naughty duck!

            And one more thing.  I hear it all the time, and it’s true.  The novelty of the Wiimote wears off.  When I first played the game, I thought getting to Force push people with the nunchuck and getting to swing the lightsaber with the Wiimote was pretty cool.  It was the redeeming feature of the game.  And then, like many others before me, it got boring.  The Wii was pretty new to me when I first played this game, so getting to play in a different way was pretty great.  But, now that I’m used to it, I’m not satisfied to play a mediocre game just because the controls are unique.  And it doesn’t help that I’m sick of the motion controls to begin with.  I need buttons again.  Just trying to control the camera was a pain (it always faces your character’s back, so if you want to see something, you must face him that way and wait for the camera to take its sweet time to swivel around on its own).  I don’t know if the other versions of the game have buttons to control the camera, but this one does not, and the Wii controllers really have no possible way to control a camera anyway, the way they are set up.  I want buttons again!  Buttons!

            So I learned an important lesson with this game.  Motion controls can’t redeem a game.  The game must be good to begin with.  Of course, we all knew this, but this game illustrated it for me.  I no longer find the game worth keeping because of the different controls, as such controls are no longer new and fun.  Now they’re annoying, which further adds to the disappointment of this game.  It’s certainly not all bad.  The story’s pretty decent, and there is a nice variety of moves, even if I can’t possibly remember all those button combinations.  But, yeah, controlling a lightsaber with a silly wand you swing around doesn’t stay fun for long.  We pretty much all know that by now, as most who were going to play the Wii have already done so by now.  In fact, I’d be willing to bet that a lot of people, just like me, are now getting rid of Wii games they thought were great when the Wii was new, but now realize are not worth keeping.  “The Force Unleashed”, you’re being added to the get-the-heck-out-of-my-house pile.  The money GameStop will give me for it (I hope they still take Wii games….) will go towards a game controlled with buttons.  Oh, lovely buttons.

The Duck Unleashed

Egregious Things Part 3

Come on over for another list of things worthy of hate and disappointment.  Yes, the duck decided to do another one of these things.  It’s…egregious things…cubed!

            I don’t like when names of stores or whatever use ‘n’ in place of and.  It just bugs me.  Put an’ if you’re going to be goofy, but not ‘n’.  No one says ‘n’.  It’s not natural.  They’d say and or an’.  It’s not even that easy to say ‘n’.  Which is easier to say: Ducks an’ Geese or Ducks ‘n’ Geese?  Normal sentient beings do not say ‘n’!  I don’t like ‘n’!  That’s a big N for NO!  I have also always hated the phrases “for him”, “for her”, or “his and hers”.  They’re just creepy.  I can’t explain how.  It’s like they’re implying they know the person you’re giving something to or whatever, and a simple “him” or “her” is sufficient.  I don’t know.  It’s just weird.

            I hated PE in school.  I don’t really need to get into detail since it is a deep disdain felt by nearly every living being in the galaxy, and possibly by some inanimate objects as well, but I will anyway.  I hated every bit of it.  For one thing, getting into your undies in front of your classmates.  Or anyone for that matter.  Why are a bunch of children expected to get nearly naked in front of each other?  What sick mind thought that up?

            And of course, I was the type to get picked last, though that’s not completely true.  The second to last person is picked last.  The last person isn’t picked at all.  So more accurately, I was never picked.  I’m sure a bunch of you know how that is.  And why are a bunch of children put in a situation where they get verbally abused by other children?  They took their darn volleyball so seriously.  I’m sorry I missed the ball, okay!  Maybe I’m just distracted by the fact that I’ll have to get naked in front of you guys yet again in about a half hour.

            And I have to throw in math class, of course.  And what the darn is a logarithm?  And try naming one instance where you need it.  Just one.  I dare you.

            Also, people in art class could be brutal.  So what, I didn’t draw nostrils just right.  Sue me.

            Another thing I absolutely hate is when video games are hard just because they’re not made right.  I have no problem with video games being hard.  I want something that challenges me.  I love when it actually takes effort to beat a boss.  When I have to spend quite a bit of thinking to solve a puzzle.  When I get quite lost in a dungeon, and then I finally figure out what to do next.  (I have “The Legend of Zelda” on my mind right now because this is a series that treats its players right.  That’s one of the many reasons I love it.  Thank you, “TLoZ”.  Try pronouncing that.)

            But, I can’t stand when a game is hard for stupid reasons.  When I was playing “Sonic Heroes”, I would die so many times, and it wasn’t even my fault.  I would press one button, and the character would go speeding off a ledge.  Or they would fall off things they never usually fell off of.  I hate when games are super persnickety, like “Okami”.  I love “Okami”, but sometimes you had to draw things just right.  I drew a circle a zillion times, and they just didn’t like it.  I don’t know what I did wrong.  It had to be just close enough to the object, I guess, but not too close.  And I also hate when game controls are absurd.  Rocket barrel levels of “Donkey Kong Country Returns”, yeah, I’m talking to you.  Those levels were bad enough to make you pull out your hair (or feathers) until you’re bald.  I die because I hold the button down a fraction of a second too long or not long enough.  What kind of a world do we live in when such things can happen to good people?  This should be a punishment in prison.

            And there’s another list of things I hate.  What kind of things do you hate?

The Duck Who Was a Loser in P.E. Because P.E. Stands For Pure Evil

Apparently They’re Heroes

I recently played and gave up on “Sonic Heroes”.  I beat the four stories but couldn’t get all the Chaos Emeralds.  Here’s a tip.  Get those emeralds while playing through the stories!  It’s no fun having to keep repeating areas to try and get these things later.

            Anyway, I’ve considered getting this game for a long time.  After years of consideration, I finally just got it.  I don’t know what took me so long.  At first, I didn’t like the game so much.  It seemed too hard, and you could die too easily.  I really hate when characters die when it’s not your fault or because you accidentally hit the wrong button.  Like with Sonic, I often pressed one button when I meant to jump, and he’d speed off and fall off the edge and die.  It made me quite annoyed.  But, as I started to learn the controls better and got more practice, the game became a lot easier and a lot more fun.

            In this game, there are four stories, each with a team of three characters that you switch between as you play.  (Team Rose is Amy, Cream, and Big.  Team Sonic is, of course, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles.  Team Chaotix is Espio, Charmy, and Vector.  Team Dark is Shadow, Rouge, and Omega.)

            In every team, one character is a speed character that can go fast and also do a tornado attack that can spin you up poles, flip over enemies, or make enemies lose their shields.  Sonic and Shadow can move fast along a line of rings, and all of them but Amy can triangle jump between two walls that are close together to cross gaps.  And Espio can turn invisible because he’s a chameleon.  A weird looking chameleon, but a chameleon nonetheless.

            The flying characters can, well, fly.  I didn’t realize you hold the button to fly and not just repeatedly press it until the fourth story.  Hmm.  Flying characters can also use thunder shoot to stun and hurt enemies, especially flying ones.  Yay.

            Power characters are strong and good at attacking and breaking metal crates and cages that contain keys.  They are awesome, and they don’t go off the edge as easily as speed characters.  Darn you, speed characters!  My favorite to use is Omega.  He has two machine guns in his arms, which is not at all weird because he’s a robot.

            My favorite team was Team Dark because they’re the coolest, but my favorite story is Team Chaotix because the missions often require you to find things, collect rings, or kill a certain number of enemies, rather than just reach the goal.  It was more interesting.  Team Rose was my least favorite.

            Another thing unique to this game is that in each level, each character can level up three times, which helps them defeat enemies easier, though you lose this when you die and when you start the next level.  It’s still neat, though.  Also, when the bar in the upper right fills up, your team can do an attack that kills all enemies in the area (except bosses).  Team Chaotix’s is the best because they get a lot of rings during this (and every 100 rings equals an extra life).

            Anyway, the game has 14 levels, which you go through with each of the 4 teams, with slight and sometimes less slight changes, yet it doesn’t get boring.  Each story gives you bits of the main story, but I still feel like a lot is missing.  I really wish I had been able to finish the game.  Mainly, Team Sonic and Team Dark are looking for Eggman, Team Chaotix is following the directions of a secret client, and Team Rose is looking for a frog and a chao who were kidnapped, I guess, but I have no idea why anyone would bother doing that.

            Some of the areas were positively dreadful.  Many say the last level, Final Fortress, was awful, but once I got used to it, it wasn’t too bad anymore.  What I hated most was the carts and the giant gator.  Sometimes you ride this cart thing and have to jump over obstacles, and every time you miss, you lose one character until all three are gone, and I’m awful at that, and the cart doesn’t always jump well.  And two stories had this giant gator, and you have to swing along these vines really fast to get away.  While it only took me one try during the second story that had it, it took me a zillion tries to beat it the first time.  Every time the vine reaches the highest part of its swing towards the next vine, you must jump.  If you wait, you will become a gator snack.  As you might imagine, it’s quite stressful.

            Also dreadful is the fact that I’m so bad at getting those Chaos Emeralds.  You have to get a key in a certain level and keep it until the end of the level.  You’ll lose it if you die or get hurt.  Then, you must chase the emerald through this big long area and get these colorful things to fill this bar so you can go faster while avoiding the bombs.  I only got three out of seven, I think.  I just can’t catch up to those darn things.

            Anyway, the music was all right in this game.  My favorite music in the levels was in the scary areas, especially Mystic Mansion.  My top favorite songs are the themes for Team Chaotix and Team Dark.  Didn’t like the other teams’ themes too much.

            Nothing particularly cute to mention, especially considering there were still no mini sheep.  What’s going on?  There were some chao, though.  They’re cute.  There was something that creeped me out, though, inMysticMansion.  Throughout the level, there is this skeleton that sometimes peeks out from behind things, and then it hides when you get close.  The first time you see it, it’s looking at you from behind this wall, but if you get close, it hides, and when you get to the other side of the wall, nothing’s there.  Leave me alone, you sneaky skeleton!

Team Duck

Now in Color

I recently beat a very short game, “Sonic Colors”.  It took 7 hours and 6 minutes (and I think 7 seconds).  But, if I hadn’t dilly dallied at times, it would have been even less.  So short.  Anyway, plot-wise, apparently Dr. Eggman built a huge amusement park in space that he says is to make up for all the cruddy things he did in the past.  Luckily, since our hero, Sonic, is not a total moron, he doesn’t fall for it.  Of course, Eggman is indeed up to something quite immoral, including imprisoning a race of aliens called Wisps.  Throughout the game, Sonic uses their color powers to do neat things, like climb up walls, fly, and drill through the ground, which really has no relation to the color, but we’re probably not supposed to question that.

            The game is fun, but kind of silly.  (And seriously, what is Eggman’s obsession with amusement parks?  They’ve been in at least 3 games now.)  But, my biggest complaint besides some very…not great dialogue was that it had one thing that could’ve maybe redeemed the less-than-great plot, and they just…didn’t do it.  I don’t like to spoil things, but it needs discussing.  If you don’t want anything spoiled, skip ahead.  I’ll mark the offending paragraphs clearly for you with traffic cones and police tape.  If I had some.  For now, please accept second best.

SPOILERS START HERE

            Okay, we’re in dangerous territory now.  If you don’t want spoilers, run towards the emergency exits now!  Run, darn you!  If not, you must suffer the consequences of being in such close proximity to this duck’s opinions.  Side effects may and will include brain cell loss and finding out what our large-‘stached villain, Dr. Eggman, is up to this time.

            So we find later on that Eggman created a mind control gun powered by the Wisp aliens.  He uses it on Tails, Sonic’s fox friend (who has somehow been a kid for the last 20 years, but let’s not get into that), but before long, it runs out of power.  All right.  This is not quite what fuels my rage and disappointment.  Even later, near the end, Eggman tries to use it again, on Earth this time, but it doesn’t work.  And that’s all you ever hear of it.  It didn’t even need to be in the game.  They should’ve done more.  Come on, at least have Eggman mind control Tails and force Sonic to fight his best buddy.  Honestly, Sonic Team.  That would have been great.  You guys missed out on a great chance.  It could have made the game so much better.  As King Arthur said to the Black Knight in “The Holy Grail”, “You make me sad.”

SPOILERS END HERE

            We’re safe again.  Now, face the horror that is more of my thoughts and opinions.  Next up, Wisps.  My favorite is the pink one because it allows Sonic to go up walls and along ceilings and kill enemies and break certain blocks.  Delightful.  I also like the nega ones (which I think is short for negative, which are purple, but are not labeled by their color, apparently).  These turn Sonic into some crazy creature that destroys everything in its path and grows larger as it goes.  Scary, but also delightful.  The laser one’s neat, too, because you bounce off of things a bunch really fast.  The blue I didn’t like because of the sound effect when you use it.  But, it can break certain blocks and change blue tokens into blue blocks and vice versa, either creating platforms or unblocking your path.  It’s just that darn sound effect that disturbs me.

            Cuteness-wise, no mini sheep.  The Wisps aren’t my type of cute.  Except the nega ones.  Besides that, I find Dr. Eggman’s saucy little robot, Orbot, quite a delight.  And adorable.  He was in “Sonic Unleashed” originally, and I’m glad they brought him back.  I hope he’s in future games, as well.  (Where, though, are the chao?)

            Now there is something that has confused me for quite a while.  It’s another bit of proof that I may not be completely sane or maybe I just have no life, but here goes a much-needed analysis.  Subject…Dr. Eggman.  For those of you who don’t know, and it’s probably best you don’t, this bizarrely proportioned man is Sonic’s enemy, the equivalent of Bowser to Mario.  He’s apparently a genius with an IQ of 300, and yet he is constantly defeated by Sonic, a fast blue hedgehog.  Does it make sense that a mere hedgehog can destroy an evil super genius’s machines with such ease?  Just because he can ram into Eggman’s robots and ships at high speeds doesn’t warrant them to blow to bits like that.  No matter how fast Sonic is running, I bet if I had a head-on collision with him in my car, he’d turn into a red and blue splat.  Or maybe not.  That hasn’t happened yet.  And sometimes, Eggman’s machines just don’t work without any interference from Sonic at all.  Some genius.

            And what also has bothered me to no end, keeping me up into the wee hours of the morning, the wee ones, is the fact that the Doctor is the only villain with no followers whatsoever.  Or at least, one of the only ones.  All he has are robots, some of which don’t even like him, either.  Why does he even build robots that dislike him and even insult him?  If I was an evil genius, my robots wouldn’t sass me like Orbot does.

            And why does he even call himself Eggman?  I thought that was originally something Sonic called him as an insult.  These questions may never be answered.  I may ponder them forever.  I should email the Sonic Team, but they’d probably be annoyed.

            And my last question, this time just addressing Sonic.  Why does he drown in water, but he can breathe in space?  Same goes for the other characters in the other games.  I am confused.  If anything, you’d think it would be the other way around.

            Last of all, I have to mention that I rather enjoyed Eggman’s comments that you could hear throughout many of the levels.  I couldn’t hear or understand all of them, but the ones I did catch were quite amusing.  Here’s just a few.

1. Please refrain from licking the rides.  That would be disgusting.  (SweetMountain)

2. In no way will roaming bands of robots break into your vehicle.  (Tropical Resort)

3. No one can hear you scream, except the person sitting next to you.  Please be courteous to others.  No one likes a screamer.  (Asteroid Coaster)

4. Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle.  (I forgot part)  Keeping your hands and feet inside the vehicle will not keep you from getting hit by asteroids, but our lawyers tell us we have to say that anyway.  (Asteroid Coaster)

5. This ride is not for people under age 12 or over age 13.  It’s not safe for 13-year-olds, either.  (Carnival place, whatever it’s called)

6. Please make sure your safety harness is buckled securely.  Or at least really grip on to something.  (Asteroid Coaster)

That last one is my favorite.

An Average Speed Duck