Tag Archives: humor

Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Sega

Last, but not least, it’s time I talked about my memories of friend C from elementary school.  This friend also had a very big house (I had the smallest house out of my friends; this is also the same friend who made fun of the fact that I had a small, blow-up pool in my backyard).  This house had some land around it, but not as much as friend A, but her neighborhood was very scenic, with a pond and a forest nearby. Continue reading Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Sega

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Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Uncrustables

Last time, I was reminiscing about the generically named friend A from elementary school.  For today’s post, we are now moving on to friend B.  This friend also had a large house, but it was one of many identical houses in a neighborhood where none of the backyards had any fences.  Like friend A, we spent a good deal of our time playing in the very large, but also very unfinished basement.  Unlike friend A, I never ate at this friend’s house because her mom only offered those weird Uncrustable sandwiches.  You know about those, right?  Those little round sandwiches that are supposed to eliminate bread crust, but which, instead, are surrounded by weird, hard bread that is even more unappealing than the crust had been. Continue reading Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Uncrustables

Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Pool

Many years back, when the Duck was in elementary school, I had three friends.  Though we got into plenty of arguments, I have many fond memories of our time together and decided to reminisce.  To protect their identities on this here Internet, they shall be referred to as friends A-C.  Since I don’t want this post to go too long, however, I’m going to break it into three.  Here we go… Continue reading Memories of Friendship: The Friend with the Pool

I Dream of Cake…and Turkey

Ever since our most recent trip to Disneyland, I have been dreaming about the Pixar Fest cake.  It’s a very odd thing, but I seem to dream about food a lot.  I have had many dreams about visiting bakeries, sometimes the same establishment over the course of many years.  I guess I’m obsessed with treats, with the newest object of my fixation being that three-layer beauty exclusive to Pixar Fest.  As you may recall, I was unable to try this cake during our recent visit to Disneyland, as the Plaza Inn was only serving chocolate cake when we stopped by for dinner (only chocolate cake; what do you mean, Duck?).  And even though we eventually decided to make the cake ourselves, it didn’t stop me from dreaming about it, nevertheless. Continue reading I Dream of Cake…and Turkey

Encountering an Alien at Disney World

It occurred to me recently that, as fond as my memories are of practically anything Disney-related, the Disney Parks are not wholly without unhappiness.  No, quite the contrary.  It was at one of these so-called “happiest places on Earth” that the Duck was subject to something very unpleasant indeed…traumatic even.  But how could this be?  How could a place filled with Disney characters and parades and fireworks, a place where even murderous pirates sing jaunty tunes, ever have a sinister side to it?  Heck, even the 999 resident ghosts are specifically described as “happy haunts”, proving that Disney is indeed a joyous place for the living and the dead!

But nay, my friends, I speak the truth.  There was a time when the Disney Parks were a very unhappy place for this particular Duck.  Well then, where did this sad tale of woe take place, you must be asking with barely hidden disbelief?  Why, dear readers, the culprit responsible is none other than…Disney World’s Tomorrowland. Continue reading Encountering an Alien at Disney World

Bonus Time: Why’s Woody in the Woods?

So, I have this Disneyland app.  I have almost never in my life downloaded an app before, save for some free antivirus for my phone, but for once, this particular app looked pretty darn useful.  It shows you wait times for rides, locations of restaurants and shops.  And it shows you where various characters can be found.

I was so excited for my upcoming trip to Disneyland that I was constantly checking this app just for the fun of it and getting a general idea of the wait times for different rides throughout the day.  I learned that certain rides close temporarily throughout the day (so if my favorite ride is closed, I mustn’t fret, as it will probably return shortly…as long as it’s not under…refurbishment!).  I even learned where all the characters can typically be found.  While I don’t exactly care about tracking down any particular Disney characters, I find the whole notion of seeing where they are on a map rather amusing. Continue reading Bonus Time: Why’s Woody in the Woods?

Do You Know…The English Muffin Man?

As many of you may know by now, the Duck likes to bake.  That doesn’t mean I’m good at it or can devise cunning, new recipes that are entirely my own.  That also doesn’t imply that I own an apron that says, “Kiss the Cook” because…what, why’s that a thing?  (On a side note, never do what an apron tells you, especially an apron you have never met before.)  But I bake stuff sometimes.  And it’s fun.  And yet, considering I am in no way a professional baker, I am sometimes lacking the necessary supplies or the knowledge to find said supplies.  Honestly, it took me years to find almond paste.  Who knew it looks like a sausage and is packaged in a long, thin box?  What kind of sick game are they playing at! Continue reading Do You Know…The English Muffin Man?

Really Bad Jokes

This is a pretty old post that’s been lying around on my computer for many, many months, so I thought I’d just get it published so I don’t have to look at the ugly thing anymore. It lists a few cruddy jokes I came up with, most of which are several versions of the exact same thing because I’m ridiculous like that. It’s really bad, but here it is…. Continue reading Really Bad Jokes

Impractical Races, Cats, and Robots: This Post Has It All

Around the night of 11/11, and some other nights that I lost track of, I’ve been getting a lot of weird dreams. I remember one where one of my cats was back, and it looked like Alex, my chubby kitty, but acted like Arwen, my friendly Manx. I have a lot of dreams, in fact, where my pets return to me, including a rat I lost about a decade ago (I’ve looked everywhere, but I just can’t find him…), and I either realize we had the pet all along and forgot, or the pet just appeared back in our house one day. In this particular dream, I woke up early in the morning in my current house to find this cat, and I went to put out food and water for it (even though I no longer own any cat food; it really doesn’t taste that good), but my mom had already done so. She actually put out two bowls of water and two of food even though it was just one cat, in the very same manner as the days when we used to have two. Continue reading Impractical Races, Cats, and Robots: This Post Has It All

Kitten Rentals

I have a really stupid idea for a business. It’s one I wish existed, but it’s still…really stupid. The idea is, well, you see…kitten rentals. That’s right, kitten rentals. Have you ever thought to yourself, I really want to snuggle with a great, big pile of kittens, without the commitment of purchasing copious amounts of the cottony felines? Well, I have. I have thought about this a lot, about as much as I obsess over my next visit to the bakery, which is also a lot, and there are times I have this overwhelming urge to just scoop up a zillion, large-headed, mewing kittens and snuggle with them. But, I see no practical way of doing this, aside from befriending someone in possession of a large number of kittens, whom you can use for a time for their kitteny goodness, and then fake your death once the kittens grow up and you have no need of their services anymore. Continue reading Kitten Rentals