Tag Archives: humor

Encountering an Alien at Disney World

It occurred to me recently that, as fond as my memories are of practically anything Disney-related, the Disney Parks are not wholly without unhappiness.  No, quite the contrary.  It was at one of these so-called “happiest places on Earth” that the Duck was subject to something very unpleasant indeed…traumatic even.  But how could this be?  How could a place filled with Disney characters and parades and fireworks, a place where even murderous pirates sing jaunty tunes, ever have a sinister side to it?  Heck, even the 999 resident ghosts are specifically described as “happy haunts”, proving that Disney is indeed a joyous place for the living and the dead!

But nay, my friends, I speak the truth.  There was a time when the Disney Parks were a very unhappy place for this particular Duck.  Well then, where did this sad tale of woe take place, you must be asking with barely hidden disbelief?  Why, dear readers, the culprit responsible is none other than…Disney World’s Tomorrowland. Continue reading Encountering an Alien at Disney World

Bonus Time: Why’s Woody in the Woods?

So, I have this Disneyland app.  I have almost never in my life downloaded an app before, save for some free antivirus for my phone, but for once, this particular app looked pretty darn useful.  It shows you wait times for rides, locations of restaurants and shops.  And it shows you where various characters can be found.

I was so excited for my upcoming trip to Disneyland that I was constantly checking this app just for the fun of it and getting a general idea of the wait times for different rides throughout the day.  I learned that certain rides close temporarily throughout the day (so if my favorite ride is closed, I mustn’t fret, as it will probably return shortly…as long as it’s not under…refurbishment!).  I even learned where all the characters can typically be found.  While I don’t exactly care about tracking down any particular Disney characters, I find the whole notion of seeing where they are on a map rather amusing. Continue reading Bonus Time: Why’s Woody in the Woods?

Do You Know…The English Muffin Man?

As many of you may know by now, the Duck likes to bake.  That doesn’t mean I’m good at it or can devise cunning, new recipes that are entirely my own.  That also doesn’t imply that I own an apron that says, “Kiss the Cook” because…what, why’s that a thing?  (On a side note, never do what an apron tells you, especially an apron you have never met before.)  But I bake stuff sometimes.  And it’s fun.  And yet, considering I am in no way a professional baker, I am sometimes lacking the necessary supplies or the knowledge to find said supplies.  Honestly, it took me years to find almond paste.  Who knew it looks like a sausage and is packaged in a long, thin box?  What kind of sick game are they playing at! Continue reading Do You Know…The English Muffin Man?

Bonus Time: Bundt Conundrum

So, I was at Target the other day for milk and mounting putty (for putting stuff on the wall without the need for thumbtacks).  It was during a period of time during which I had temporarily lost the will to eat healthy, and I was looking at the various desserts they had available.  I was eyeing a pair of small Bundt cakes when I came upon a very baffling sticker and burst out laughing.  And now I present you all with a mini-challenge.  Please analyze the photo below and see if you can tell me what is wrong with this sticker.  Leave your thoughts in the comments below, dearies! Continue reading Bonus Time: Bundt Conundrum

Really Bad Jokes

This is a pretty old post that’s been lying around on my computer for many, many months, so I thought I’d just get it published so I don’t have to look at the ugly thing anymore. It lists a few cruddy jokes I came up with, most of which are several versions of the exact same thing because I’m ridiculous like that. It’s really bad, but here it is…. Continue reading Really Bad Jokes

Impractical Races, Cats, and Robots: This Post Has It All

Around the night of 11/11, and some other nights that I lost track of, I’ve been getting a lot of weird dreams. I remember one where one of my cats was back, and it looked like Alex, my chubby kitty, but acted like Arwen, my friendly Manx. I have a lot of dreams, in fact, where my pets return to me, including a rat I lost about a decade ago (I’ve looked everywhere, but I just can’t find him…), and I either realize we had the pet all along and forgot, or the pet just appeared back in our house one day. In this particular dream, I woke up early in the morning in my current house to find this cat, and I went to put out food and water for it (even though I no longer own any cat food; it really doesn’t taste that good), but my mom had already done so. She actually put out two bowls of water and two of food even though it was just one cat, in the very same manner as the days when we used to have two. Continue reading Impractical Races, Cats, and Robots: This Post Has It All

Kitten Rentals

I have a really stupid idea for a business. It’s one I wish existed, but it’s still…really stupid. The idea is, well, you see…kitten rentals. That’s right, kitten rentals. Have you ever thought to yourself, I really want to snuggle with a great, big pile of kittens, without the commitment of purchasing copious amounts of the cottony felines? Well, I have. I have thought about this a lot, about as much as I obsess over my next visit to the bakery, which is also a lot, and there are times I have this overwhelming urge to just scoop up a zillion, large-headed, mewing kittens and snuggle with them. But, I see no practical way of doing this, aside from befriending someone in possession of a large number of kittens, whom you can use for a time for their kitteny goodness, and then fake your death once the kittens grow up and you have no need of their services anymore. Continue reading Kitten Rentals

Going to the Faire With Penny from “Big Bang Theory”

I have a lot of dreams about the Renaissance Faire.  You see…I love Ren. Faires (it’s such a long word to write!).  Love them.  And I am most fortunate that I live near a good one, as it is actually pretty hard to find a decent one that consists of actual buildings and not simply tents.  Because tents make me sad.  They make me think of camping, a pastime I am not fond of, even if I’ve never tried it.  (There are apparently many wild beasts in the woods.  Such as lions.  Tigers.  Bears.  Oh, my, and let’s not forget sharks!)  Ahem, anyway, since I love these most delightful faires (my computer claims I’m spelling that wrong, but I’m really not…I think), it’s no wonder they manage to work their way into my subconscious quite often.

There are several themes to these dreams, too (that was a lovely poem I did just there).  Many times, I realize I have forgotten to wear my costume, but being a dream, I somehow manage to make it appear on me with mere thought alone, which is very convenient, considering getting here is an hour long drive.  I also dream that I go with my parents, as we all love this most enjoyable event, but we get split up, and I end up spending the rest of my time wandering about alone, looking at various snacks to eat and things to buy, with either the quandary of lacking funds with which to purchase these goodies or with too many sweets that look appealing and a body that doesn’t exactly want to be subjected to such an extreme level of sugar. Continue reading Going to the Faire With Penny from “Big Bang Theory”

The Duck Doesn’t Do the Cookin’ By the Book

Even though I hear that I “gotta”.  (While that title appears to be a reference to a song from the child’s TV show, “Lazy Town”, it is not.  Well, okay, it is, but only because it was mentioned in the wonderful “Kingdom Hearts” fan fic, “Those Lacking Spines”.)  Ahem, sometimes, I like to try my hand at baking.  But, to be quite honest, I’m not a very good chef.  At all.  I don’t know what I do wrong, because even if I follow all the directions, everything I cook usually turns out nothing like it should.  (My frozen pizzas taste like cinnamon.  What unholy sorcery is this?!)  Okay, maybe I do know sometimes why my concoctions turn out disturbing.  Maybe it’s because I…well, sometimes I skip directions.  I mean, how different can it be if I just stir in the egg or the butter without beating it first or whatever other sadistic thing they want me to do to it?  And okay, I guess that sometimes, maybe perhaps, I suppose I leave out an entire ingredient.  Like eggs.  But, hey, I didn’t have any eggs at the time, so back off!  Ahem, sorry.  So, I guess you can say that I like to experiment (if you want to put it nicely and not just go right out and say I’m just a failure at following directions).  I can be a bit of a mad scientist in the kitchen at times, well, not really, but a little bit, and as a result, I have baked some rather distressing creations.

Take my eggless cupcakes, for example.  I decided I’d try making cupcakes, and with it being one of those days my house was lacking in the pre-chicken department, I thought I’d replace the liquid for the eggs with milk.  Because replacing one product from the really cold aisle of the grocery store with another such item that is usually found nearby shouldn’t make much of a difference, now should it?  Well, we all know the answer to that question, but I’ll answer it anyway.  Wrong!  For some unexplainable reason, this did not work.  These cupcakes, while tasting okay, were also utterly destroyed upon removing them from their liners, as they were so…sticky.  Who knew replacing eggs with milk would make cupcakes like glue?  Well, I do now.  Luckily, my eggless peanut butter cookies turned out fine.  However, regular cookies turn out runny without eggs, I found. Continue reading The Duck Doesn’t Do the Cookin’ By the Book

100 Theme Blog Challenge No. 13: Misfortune

Today’s topic for the most exciting 100 theme challenge is #13, misfortune, and I suppose that makes sense, with it being #13 and all. Hmm, well, what do I have to say about misfortune? It’s certainly unfortunate, that much is for sure. Um, and it’s…bad…? Well, I’m certainly not going to get into some negative post about misfortune in my life because who wants to hear about that? And I also don’t mean, oh, woe is me, no one cares about my problems anyway. Now I’m starting to ramble….

You know what came to mind as I began thinking about this topic? Why is the number 13 supposed to be unfortunate? I hear they often don’t even have a 13th floor in some buildings as a result of this superstition, but who are they fooling? We all know the 14th floor really is the 13th. This is no secret. It certainly made no difference in Stephen King’s story about the evil room 1408. Even the room wasn’t fooled, and it’s an inanimate object. Or, to be more accurate, cube-ish shaped spaces of air contained by walls. And if walls could talk, they’d say, “Um, is it just me, or did the people who built this hotel not know how to count?” Don’t worry, sentient walls, we all noticed. Continue reading 100 Theme Blog Challenge No. 13: Misfortune