Tag Archives: donkey kong country returns

Egregious Things Part 3

Come on over for another list of things worthy of hate and disappointment.  Yes, the duck decided to do another one of these things.  It’s…egregious things…cubed!

            I don’t like when names of stores or whatever use ‘n’ in place of and.  It just bugs me.  Put an’ if you’re going to be goofy, but not ‘n’.  No one says ‘n’.  It’s not natural.  They’d say and or an’.  It’s not even that easy to say ‘n’.  Which is easier to say: Ducks an’ Geese or Ducks ‘n’ Geese?  Normal sentient beings do not say ‘n’!  I don’t like ‘n’!  That’s a big N for NO!  I have also always hated the phrases “for him”, “for her”, or “his and hers”.  They’re just creepy.  I can’t explain how.  It’s like they’re implying they know the person you’re giving something to or whatever, and a simple “him” or “her” is sufficient.  I don’t know.  It’s just weird.

            I hated PE in school.  I don’t really need to get into detail since it is a deep disdain felt by nearly every living being in the galaxy, and possibly by some inanimate objects as well, but I will anyway.  I hated every bit of it.  For one thing, getting into your undies in front of your classmates.  Or anyone for that matter.  Why are a bunch of children expected to get nearly naked in front of each other?  What sick mind thought that up?

            And of course, I was the type to get picked last, though that’s not completely true.  The second to last person is picked last.  The last person isn’t picked at all.  So more accurately, I was never picked.  I’m sure a bunch of you know how that is.  And why are a bunch of children put in a situation where they get verbally abused by other children?  They took their darn volleyball so seriously.  I’m sorry I missed the ball, okay!  Maybe I’m just distracted by the fact that I’ll have to get naked in front of you guys yet again in about a half hour.

            And I have to throw in math class, of course.  And what the darn is a logarithm?  And try naming one instance where you need it.  Just one.  I dare you.

            Also, people in art class could be brutal.  So what, I didn’t draw nostrils just right.  Sue me.

            Another thing I absolutely hate is when video games are hard just because they’re not made right.  I have no problem with video games being hard.  I want something that challenges me.  I love when it actually takes effort to beat a boss.  When I have to spend quite a bit of thinking to solve a puzzle.  When I get quite lost in a dungeon, and then I finally figure out what to do next.  (I have “The Legend of Zelda” on my mind right now because this is a series that treats its players right.  That’s one of the many reasons I love it.  Thank you, “TLoZ”.  Try pronouncing that.)

            But, I can’t stand when a game is hard for stupid reasons.  When I was playing “Sonic Heroes”, I would die so many times, and it wasn’t even my fault.  I would press one button, and the character would go speeding off a ledge.  Or they would fall off things they never usually fell off of.  I hate when games are super persnickety, like “Okami”.  I love “Okami”, but sometimes you had to draw things just right.  I drew a circle a zillion times, and they just didn’t like it.  I don’t know what I did wrong.  It had to be just close enough to the object, I guess, but not too close.  And I also hate when game controls are absurd.  Rocket barrel levels of “Donkey Kong Country Returns”, yeah, I’m talking to you.  Those levels were bad enough to make you pull out your hair (or feathers) until you’re bald.  I die because I hold the button down a fraction of a second too long or not long enough.  What kind of a world do we live in when such things can happen to good people?  This should be a punishment in prison.

            And there’s another list of things I hate.  What kind of things do you hate?

The Duck Who Was a Loser in P.E. Because P.E. Stands For Pure Evil

The Return

I recently finished “Donkey Kong Country Returns”.  It took about a week, but I kind of rushed so I could get to some new Playstation 2 games I recently got.  So naughty.

            Anyway, I was very excited that they finally made a Donkey Kong Country game again.  Poor Donkey Kong hasn’t had many good games ever since Rareware stopped making them about 10 years ago or so.  What I believe to be the last decent Donkey Kong game before this one is “Donkey Kong 64”, but the very best are “DK Country 1” and “DKC2” (3 was not quite as great), made around 1994 and 1995, I believe.  But, as I said, after “DK64”, Rareware started working for Microsoft rather than Nintendo and could no longer make Donkey Kong games.  Oh, what a dark day that was.

            But, enough of that, even though this important information will no doubt end up in history textbooks someday.  You’re welcome for the lesson.  Finally, along came “DKC Returns”, made by Retro Studios, who used to make Metroid (I don’t know if they still do).  I wondered if they could make a game to rival the originals, and alas, they did!  Oh, happy day!  DK fans rejoice!

            So as you can tell, this game was a delight.  It is very fun, with lovely graphics.  The backgrounds are so detailed.  The game is side-scrolling like the originals, and Donkey can now do a ground pound to stun enemies, break things, etc. and blow on things like dandelion fluff and candles to get items and put out the fire on flaming enemies.  When you get Diddy, he rides on DK’s back and uses his jetpack to help you jump farther.  You can also collect puzzle pieces to unlock things like concept art, which is fun.  I unlocked very few so far.  And instead of one hit per Kong, it’s two hits each before you die.  Despite this, the game was still quite a challenge, but you can use Super Guide to get you through areas you simply can’t do.  (I only used it for small bits twice, never a whole level.)

            There are also some songs from the original games, which filled me with much glee.  My favorite song is the factory music from “DKC 1”.  There are still mine cart levels, too,TreeTopTown, a factory, the jungle.  Two of the animal friends returned, as well, Rambi the rhino and Squawks the parrot.  You can still ride Rambi and go on a destructive rampage, but Squawks just helps you find puzzle pieces now.  He used to carry you around, which didn’t make sense how a large parrot could tote around a gorilla and a chimp and shoot yellow things that looked like cheetohs but weren’t from his mouth, but still.

            The Kremlings, Donkey’s banana-stealing crocodile enemies throughout all of the original DKC games and DK64, plus a few newer ones, did not return, but were replaced by banana-stealing tikis.  I would’ve preferred the Kremlings, but the tikis are actually a fine replacement.  They can also apparently hypnotize people (well, animals), except not Donkey for some reason.  How convenient.

            Still no mini sheep.  What’s going on?!  The tikis are cute, though.  My favorite is the one that you see in the first cut scene in the game and is on the right side of the cover.

            Now I have some questions about Donkey Kong and his bananas.  He lives in a jungle where you would think banana trees must be quite abundant, so why do people keep stealing his bananas and not just pick their own?  And why does Donkey go on these dangerous quests just to get back his bananas when he, too, could just pick his own again and start a new hoard?  Why does he even need a banana hoard?  It’s more than he can eat.  Is he greedy?  Does he have a mental disorder?  Is he someday going to end up on that “Buried Alive” TV show about hoarders?  Does his disorder stress out DK’s friends and family like it does to people in real life?  Are they enablers or do they, too, think that hoarding bananas in a jungle is a normal thing to do?  Last of all, is it normal for me to attempt a deep psychological analysis of a fictional ape?  We may never know.

            By the way, my picture of Xigbar is done.  He’s on the Fan Art page, if you want to check it out….

            Edit: Forget to mention, Mr. Game makes a small appearance in this game.  I won’t tell you where, but watch out for him….

Donkey Duck

Comic Draft 1 Done and Other Things

I finally finished my comic script.  It took from 7/13/10 to 4/23/11, with a lot of breaks in between.  It is 9 issues, each around 20 pages or so, and it filled up my Gir notebook and went into the beginning of my “Nightmare Before Christmas” notebook.  It needs a lot of fixing, but I’ll wait six weeks or so, and then get started on draft 2.  I still don’t have a title for it or any of the issues.  I think it started out pretty okay and ended okay, too.  The middle needs lots of help.  It still has more potential than the novel, at least.

            And since I’m on this subject, I’ll tell you where I am in my other projects:

            I barely started draft 2 of the Fiddle novel a while ago and now gave up.  I don’t think it stands much of a chance, but maybe I can use bits of it.  At least, some of the characters are good.

            The Kura novel is just sitting there.  I don’t know what’s going to happen there.  If I work on it again, I may plan it all out over again so I have some clue where I’m actually going with it.

            I wrote a short story I’m not sure about the other day, and I started another one a while ago that I don’t know if I’ll get back to.  I have another short story I actually like that I’m almost done with.  Maybe I’ll send it to publishers.  Maybe.

            My three poems have still not been published.  I don’t know if I’ll try sending them out to more places or revise them or just leave them be for now.

            I have a new idea for a novel that sounds interesting, plus another comic series.  Both sound fun, but I think I’ll start the comic soon.  Or at least, start planning it out.

            I’m currently finishing up a picture of Xigbar from Kingdom Hearts, and soon I plan to draw an octopus and practice textures.

            I’m currently on sketch pad #15.

            I am also near the end of “Donkey Kong Country Returns”.  Just the final boss is left, I think.  Then, next up, the Playstation 2 games I got recently.  Yay!

A Duck with Many Projects