This post is coming a bit late for Christmas, but alas, here it be. I had a couple new comic books to read, after all, so this post had to be put on hold while that important work got done. Ever since getting Elsa the cat, I have been unable to decorate the house as profusely as I used to for fear that she will steal or knock down anything she can get her paws on. Plus, I’ve gotten rather lazy in that aspect of Christmas-time, so only minimal decorations were put out, and the tree only received decorations on its top half to stay out of the kitty’s reach. Nevertheless, she still managed to knock the tree over twice, cracking a lovely egg ornament in the process. Super glue seemed to patch it up quite nicely, but I was rather bothered by her behavior. (I had my doubts Santa would be motivated to bring her any gifts this year after such a display of naughtiness.) When we weren’t picking up after the cat’s reign of terror, my mom and I also did a dramatic reading of one of my more festive fan fiction stories, a Ratchet and Clank parody of A Christmas Carol I wrote a few years back. To any Ratchet and Clank fans out there, can you guess which characters play the three ghosts? Hint: Ratchet is Scrooge… Continue reading The Duck’s Christmas 2016, Plus Some Dessert
Happy Christmas, everyone! Finally the time of year to give presents (and better yet, get presents), spend time with family, and eat food again, as if we didn’t do that a month ago. It’s a happy time of year, but there are some parts of it I just don’t understand.
Why on Earth do we tell children that a large man breaks into our house every Christmas Eve night? Why? That sounds truly terrifying. This enormous man dressed in red flies through the sky thanks to some flying deer, and do you ever wonder why the deer can fly? Are they supernatural deer? Or is this thanks to some horrible black magic? Is Santa a dark mage? And then after that, he goes down your chimney. There’s no way you can keep this guy out. The doors are locked, but never fear, he’ll still get in. And if you don’t have a chimney, your parents tell you that he’ll find another way. There’s no keeping Santa out. If he wants you, he’ll get you.
And how come he knows if you’re nice or naughty? Does he watch you? Tap your phone lines? Why is it wrong for the government to do it, but Santa can get away with it? Why is it wrong for that creepy guy watching you from across the parking lot to stalk you, but Santa can watch you all year, judge you, and then put your name on a list? Why does he even know your name? And your address? What company is selling our private information to Santa?
And what about the sweatshop that is the North Pole? Do those elves even get paid? Or does he just work them and work them all year long making presents that he gets all the credit for? Someone needs to go up there and liberate the elves. Why don’t we see elves anywhere else? Has he imprisoned an entire race?
Has anyone thought of this? Am I the only one that is disgusted with this shady character that is Santa? Probably. Everyone loves him because he leaves behind delightful gifts. Apparently that’s enough. I guess I must fight back myself.
The Duck’s Watching You, Santa
I felt like doing something special for Christmas (it is Jesus’s 2010th birthday or so, after all), so I wrote some silly limericks. Limericks are so fun! Here they are! I numbered them so it’s easier to tell them apart.
1.) There once was a fat man named Claus
Who ate whatever he saw.
He ate all of our treats,
All our crackers and beets,
And even the roast that was raw.
2.) I made a snowman one day
Whose scarf was merry and gay.
So I hugged him real tight,
With all of my might,
Which made him melt right away.
3.) There once was a reindeer named Bob
Who had a very hard job.
He got nothing done
‘Cuz he didn’t have thumbs,
So it made him seem like a slob.
4.) My tree was glowing with cheer
With my cat standing quite near.
Then, she pulled it right down
And drug it around
With needles all left there and here.
And I just couldn’t finish this last one, but I liked how it began, so can anyone think of a proper ending?
5.) I gave my parents a gift
That was heavier than what they could lift.
Anyway, Gleeful Christmas!
Old Saint Duck