Spyro Haunts My Soul

About a month or maybe a bit longer ago, I decided to get rid of some of my games.  I have a bunch that I don’t care so much for anymore, yet I keep them anyway.  I thought it’s about time to get rid of a few I don’t care about and make room for some new games.  So one unlucky game I chose to go was “Animal Crossing”.  I think I can spend time decorating my house and trying on silly shirts and talking to animals that have attitudes with me no longer.  It’s a fine game.  Nothing against it.  I just would rather shoot aliens or look for Heart Pieces than pull weeds and dig up pitfalls.

            The other game is the subject of this post.  I kept it because it was something to do.  But, I just can’t stand it.  I played it once more for about an hour just to check it out and confirm that it’s really as bad as I remembered.  Yep.  That game is the horrid “Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly”, my first console “Spyro” game.  I got it because I heard the “Spyro” series was good.  Well, apparently no one told this game that.

            This game is just…  Well, it’s bad.  It’s just…you see, Spyro has to catch these dragonflies.  Apparently this hideous thing named Ripto (what the heck is he, anyway?) took all the dragonflies, which are important to the dragons, and scattered them everywhere.  Which is quite silly because all I have to do is go look for them.  He didn’t really do anything to them.  I mean, I would’ve murdered all the dragonflies if I was some villain, but that’s just me.  And ironically, the biggest obstacle to my goal of saving the dragonflies is the dragonflies themselves, who actually flee from you when you try to catch them.  What the crap!  It’s like going to save Princess Peach, and she slaps Mario and shoots him with a taser.  And then calls the cops.  What is your problem, you stupid idiots!  So over the course of the whole game you have to chase down these stupid bugs and catch them in Spyro’s bubble breath!  Stop flying away and let me save you, you pieces of crap!

            And that’s not all.  There’s also the dreadful voice acting.  And the very upsetting character design and animation.  Okay, lots of games have bad voice acting.  But, what’s wrong with the characters?  Not only do they look bad, but the way they move is just weird.  Ripto’s practically growing and shrinking right before your very eyes.  The characters are all moving around and bouncing and stretching and it is all quite disturbing.  You could get seasick watching them writhe about like that.  It’s like the developers left them unfinished.

            And it’s glitchy.  I had Spyro get stuck running next to something for a minute or so before he finally knocked it off.  And in that farm level, often times the entire ground disappears.  That happens to me all the time.  The developers didn’t notice that?  Or did they just not care?  I’m sure they saw it.  You would notice if a great chasm just opened up beneath you all of a sudden.  They just didn’t fix it.  They were too busy not fixing the characters to fix the glitches.  It’s madness.  It’s just madness!

            So I’m selling that game.  It’s bad.  It hurts my soul.  And I hate it.  And I really can’t stand seeing Ripto moving about like an accordion anymore.  It’s extremely unsettling.

The Duck, Who’s Avoiding Spyro’s Hate-Filled Gaze from the Top of the To-Sell Pile

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Spyro Haunts My Soul

    1. Maybe it would be more merciful to just throw the game out, rather than unleash it on some unsuspecting victim. Nah, I’ll just put it up on Amazon sometime and subject another poor soul to this game, if it earns me a little bit of money. The reviews are fair warning, methinks.

      Like

  1. The Spyro series is actually quite good. However, Only the first 3 games (Spyro, Spyro 2:Ripto’s Rage, and Spyro 3:Year of the Dragon) for the original Playstation are actually good. Anything made afterward is terrible because the original developer (Insomniac games) was no longer involved. I’ve head that “Skylanders” plays well, but I consider that game a twisted shell of what spyro once was so I’m not the best person to ask about that one.

    Like

    1. I love Insomniac. I had no idea they did the original “Spyro” games. I need to check those out someday. Anyway, the other “Spyro” games I’ve played have been okay. None are as bad as “Enter the Dragonfly”, luckily.

      “Skylanders” is a “Spyro” game I think I’ll avoid. I don’t understand all those figurine things.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s