I was thinking about this 100 Theme Challenge. There are different versions, like a drawing challenge or a writing challenge, where you draw or write something based off 100 themes. I had done it before with drawing, and I thought I might try again. Perhaps with drawing again. Perhaps with poetry. And I thought, perhaps it would work with blog posts, too. (Not that I’m running out of ideas or anything. I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing. That was hurtful.) So let’s get started on theme #1, introduction.
Gar, it gets hard already. Uh…introductions, well, hi, I’m the duck. No, that won’t work. I’m not good at introducing myself. Whenever I do, people either don’t hear me or get my name wrong (is “the duck” really that hard to pronounce, really?). And then you’re expected to shake hands, and who knows what disease they have or what disease I have. It’s terrible. Just terrible. Really my only successful introduction was in second grade. I was new to the school, and I didn’t know anyone. But, this girl was standing in the middle of the playground alone. I forgot what I said, but we became friends right then. I won’t say names, but if she reads this, she knows who she is.
But, enough about me. What I really want to introduce is someone many people don’t want to be introduced to. I used to have a pet rat. I named him Olimar after the main character in “Pikmin”, and even though he was quite a nice fellow, some people didn’t want to meet him, specifically my mom’s friend, who also shall remain nameless. For whatever reason, she didn’t want my dear rodent companion anywhere near her. Quite a mystery.
Like I said, Olimar was a nice rat. Filthy. Stinky. Incontinent. But nice. Wouldn’t hurt a fly (though, he bit the cats when they harassed him, and he did terrible things to scrambled eggs, but I never saw him hurt a fly). He liked attention and would stare at me from his cage. I would put him on my lap sometimes, and he’d always crawl right up onto my shoulders. He also liked snacks. I know I shouldn’t give rats food people (or ducks) would eat, but he loved it. I gave him all kinds of snacks, including miniature sandwiches, though he never ate them properly. Always took it apart and ate each part separately. Sometimes, I would put water on my hands, and he would lick it off with his soft tongue. I’m sure few people know that rats have very soft tongues. They do. And now you know that they do.
So does he sound like such a bad chap? Wouldn’t you have liked to meet him? So don’t go fleeing the scene when someone wants you to meet their pet rat. They’re nice. And like eggs. And have soft tongues.
The Duck Implores You to Befriend a Rat Today, But Not a Wild One or One That Gives You the Evil Eye