I am most happy to tell you that I finally beat “Final Fantasy VII” in about 40 hours (I did have to use a guide sometimes, which is shameful), a game I’ve been wanting for a long time. It is a PlayStation One game from 1997 and is considered one of the best games ever. And it really is. I realized that I keep leaving out the plots when I write posts about games, so I’ll summarize a small bit about it. In this game, an evil company called Shinra is draining the planet’s Lifestream in order to provide electricity to people. Little do most realize that this is killing the planet, so a group called AVALANCHE, led by Barret, is fighting against Shinra. Cloud, the main character, used to work for Shinra (apparently, he was in their top group of soldiers, simply called SOLDIER), but left them and became a mercenary. He helps AVALANCHE destroy a few of Shinra’s Mako reactors, and little does he know that a much bigger struggle awaits him. It’s not long before events lead him, Barret, Tifa (Cloud’s childhood friend, another member of AVALANCHE), a flower-selling woman named Aeris, and Red XIII (the last of a race of talking dog creatures) to leave the city of Midgar and start their search for an evil man named Sephiroth who used to be Shinra’s top member in SOLDIER. They meet other characters along the way, while also learning the truth behind Cloud’s past, how the poor confused boy relates to Sephiroth, and about Sephiroth himself. In the end, they must save the entire planet from certain doom.
The graphics, for today’s standards, aren’t great, but I still must say I like them. The characters are little stumpy things, but they’re charming and have a lot of personality. (The graphics are better during battles and certain cut scenes, though.) The music is very good in this game. It also has a really great story and some of the best characters ever, which is the main thing that makes this game so amazing. The game is also very fun to play, and there is a lot to look forward. Unanswered questions and new characters, humor, excitement, sadness. It keeps you wanting to play more. For now, I will talk about some things I want to specifically mention.
First off, the most important part. The other characters. For one, there’s Cid, a pilot who could’ve been the first man in space if there hadn’t been a problem with the rocket. He’s a bit of a jerk sometimes and other times he’s kind of funny. There is also Cait Sith, whom I mentioned in my “Dirge of Cerberus” post. A talking, bipedal cat that tells fortunes, but they’re really generic and useless ones. And he rides around on this weird thing for some reason.
There are also two secret characters, and I’m proud to say I got them both. The one I wanted to get most is Vincent because he’s one of my favorites. He originally worked for Shinra 30 years ago as a Turk (I guess they’re special agents of Shinra), but he was experimented on by an evil scientist named Hojo (I hate Hojo so much, that scum bag, bag of scum) and then put to sleep in a coffin for 30 years in the basement of Shinra manor (but, he’s not a vampire!). Poor guy. The boss you fight before you get him is a pain. It only took three tries, but it can destroy you if you don’t fight right. But, I finally beat the darn thing. No one keeps me from Vincent! No one!
It took two tries to get Yuffie, who is a ninja and thief. I got so close to getting her the first time. I was naughty and read about how to get her, and you must find her in the forest by getting into battles until she shows up, defeat her, then, respond correctly when you talk to her. I found her on my first battle in the forest, beat her, and thought I spoke correctly to her, but then suddenly, she’s gone and had stolen 700 Gil from me. I looked at what I was supposed to say, and I think I gave the answers right except for the very last one. Darn, so close! The second time in the forest, there she was again. I have great luck! I beat her, chose my answers more carefully, and now she’s on my team, as well. Oh, but she robbed me again later. And kept hiding from me after. I finally put an end to her nonsense. She’s lucky I let her stay with me. I should’ve ditched her at the next inn. She probably would’ve found me again, though. Yuffie’s a little beast.
Now for the part of the review where I tell you about the dorky things I thought were funny. For one thing, I found some rather funny things related to bathrooms (don’t worry, it’s not naughty) in this game. Early on, in Sector 7 of Midgar, I went into someone’s house, and they had a sign that said “toilet” over the bathroom door. Why would you have that? Do you not know where your own bathroom is? In the Shinra building, on the floor with the people in the meeting, people sometimes walk into the bathroom, and I saw one guy go in and stand in front of a urinal, I think. Oh, my. I’m grateful for the not super great graphics here. Also, in that same bathroom, you can go in a stall, and you can either climb onto the toilet to get into the air duct above or flush the toilet. I should’ve flushed. Just because. The best one was inRocketTown. In one building, I saw a guy in a small room (the camera angle is from kind of above, so you can see in all the rooms). I couldn’t get in the room, so I pressed Circle to see what would happen. Cloud knocked on the door, and the man said something like, “I’m in here!” Then, I realized I could see the poor guy was likely sitting on the toilet. And he kept shaking his head. Having trouble in there? Poor guy. No privacy.
Another funny thing unrelated to bathrooms was some dialogue near the end. Shortly before the final battle, Cloud says, “Let’s mosey.” which I guess is a pretty lame thing for a hero to say. And Cid told him so and made Cloud say something tougher. Also near the end, Tifa wants Cloud to tell her that everything will be okay. Your options are “Say it cool”, “Say it normal”, or “Don’t say it”. I chose “Say it cool”, of course.
There was one thing that happened that wasn’t funny at all, though. It was a rather harrowing experience, really. I got lost in the desert. I didn’t mean to go out there. I ended up in nowhere, and I thought I could just go back to where I came from, but more nothingness. I know it’s just a game, but I was horrified. Luckily, a man said that if I got lost, I should keep going northeast, so I did. I kept going, while being attacked by huge worms and funky little cactuars that seem to show up in every darn “Final Fantasy” game. I just kept going and going. Oh, the horror! I started wondering if I was doing something wrong. I was getting pretty freaked out, when I saw a wagon being pulled by a chocobo (they’re big, yellow birds). I see it coming, and I’m thinking, “Oh, my gosh, get me out of here, help me, I want out of this horrible place, HELP!!!” The man asked if I wanted a ride, to which, if I could, I would have answered, “Heck, yeah!”, and he took me back to where I needed to be. It was scary. A word of warning to any who play FFVII. Don’t go in the desert! What’s wrong with you? Don’t do it! Why don’t you listen to me? Fine, see if I care! (pant, pant) Excuse me. Got a little carried away.
Anyway, when I beat the game, I went back to do a few more things. For one thing, I killed Ultimate Weapon so I could get to the Ancient Forest. This monster is a pain in the spleen. It’s not that tough, but it keeps fleeing in the middle of the fight, then you have to find it again and follow it around until it stops somewhere. I had to chase it around 5 or 6 times. Dorky thing. I guess it saw my awesome team of Cloud, Vincent, and Cid (the ones I beat the game with) and got scared. I also got revenge on the Midgar Zolom for beating me up near the beginning of the game. I accidentally ran into it, and it destroyed me. So finally, I returned and destroyed it. Don’t mess with me. And that’s where my victories end. I then tried to fight Emerald Weapon and Ruby Weapon, two absurdly strong optional bosses. I didn’t stand a chance against these two beasts. I lasted a short time against Emerald, but then it kept draining my magic power, and then there wasn’t much I could do because I couldn’t heal without items or use Big Guard, a super useful shield. And I wasn’t going to waste time using items that heal magic power. I knew then that the battle was lost anyway. Ruby was even worse. It gets rid of two characters, so you can only fight with one. And then you can barely do any damage. Did it drain my magic, too? I don’t remember. Well, I didn’t stand a chance. I was completely annihilated.
Another awful thing is Master Tonberries. I think I mentioned them in my FFXIII post. Apparently, they’ve been absurd for over 10 years now. I hate them so. They’re these short, little things holding a lantern that don’t look tough, but they are pure evil. That knife kills your character right away, and its Grudge attack didn’t do much to one character, but it just massacred another. Cloud, actually. It really had a grudge against Cloud. Oh, I hate the mighty Tonberry. One of the worst enemies ever.
There is one more thing that I consider the worst part of the game. Final boss part 3, whatever the crap “Safer Sephiroth” is and his insanely absurd Super Nova attack. Never have I seen an attack take so long. I’m not kidding. It was crazy. Your battle is interrupted by this long cut scene of something obliterating planets in space. Yeah, good for it. I don’t care. You have no idea. How little. I care. And it does a lot of damage. So you wait, probably several minutes, I don’t know, waiting for Sephiroth to just beat the pulp out of you and get it over with. I actually got up and walked around. Finally, when the game stops goofing off and there is some glimpse of the characters again, I sit back down and heal like crazy once the damage is finally done. What, was Squaresoft so impressed with that scene that they felt the need to subject us to it, not once, but every single time Sephiroth used the attack? I had to watch it four times. You’d think Sephiroth would’ve gotten bored of it. Or the characters would have just defeated him in the mean time. Were they all just looking at each other waiting for the super nova to show up? The characters must have taken a bathroom break during that or something. Or had lunch. Or napped. It’s unbelievable. Maybe I kept passing out and dreamt it all. I can’t believe they did that.
And if you don’t believe it, either, here’s a link to it on youtube. (I don’t know how to put youtube videos in a post. And it seems like it would take longer for the page to load.) I don’t know what the numbers at the end of the video are, but anyway. Aren’t you glad I made you sit through the same suffering that I did? (And just a side note, Sephiroth doesn’t normally look so weird. He usually has a normal human body.)
Nevertheless, I love the game. You probably can’t tell after all my complaining, but it was awesome. It was so worth it. So worth the four Super Novas (that’s like 8 minutes of cut scene!). So worth the Tonberries. Even worth me nearly going missing in the desert and never being heard from again. This was one of the things I wanted to do most in life. I know, that’s pretty sad, but I am so happy that I finally accomplished my top goal. I am one amazing duck. My motto is: If you set your sights low, you can accomplish anything.
An Accomplished Duck