If I Was a Rich Duck

If I was rich, there are so many things I could do.  I’d get a big house, of course, but I wouldn’t have any of those creepy winged babies around like fancy places like to have.  Decoration-wise, my place might not be that fancy at all, really.  I would still want to put up my video game posters and maybe hang up the puzzles I taped together.  It would be a rather low-class estate.  I probably wouldn’t even want a pool.  Even though I’m a duck, I’m not a fan of swimming.

            I would also have all manner of animals (get it, all manor?), and I would give them much love, but hire someone to do any bathing or poo scooping or feeding.  I would get lots of lizards.  Iguanas, water dragons, chameleons, those little bearded dragon things.  I’ve always wanted lizards, but I didn’t want to have to feed them bugs.  And they’re scary.  But they look neat.  I would also have a bunch of fish.  At stores, I’ve seen eels, seahorses, starfish, clown fish, shrimp, crabs.  I want all of them, plus more.  Maybe a dolphin while I’m at it.  I would also get a lot of colorful birds and train them to talk and sing, and we would make an awesome band.  It might be a bit weird, one bird such as myself having birds as pets, but I figure it’s okay for sentient animals to cage less sentient animals.  Perfectly. Normal.

            I would also have a beautiful yard with ponds and koi fish and lovely willows and other plants.  Fruit trees, birds of paradise, palms, whatever.  Maybe no flowers.  Because of the bees.  And of course, once again someone else would get all the work, while I’m in charge of enjoying the fruits of all their toil.

            Other than my house, I probably wouldn’t buy a fancy car.  Maybe just a tank of a vehicle so that if anyone hit me, their car would disintegrate on impact, while I remained oblivious to the fact that any collision had even occurred.  I care about safety.  I also wouldn’t eat fancy food, though I would buy all organic stuff.  The few times I tried it, it was yummy.

            I would also continue to buy video games, as usual, plus I would buy more comics and a bunch of figurines of Square Enix characters.  And then I’d put them all over my tacky house.  The figurines, not the games and comics.  Those would be neatly organized in a book case that is probably devoid of any actual books.  I’m not a big reader.

            I wouldn’t likely ever travel, even if I was rich.  I don’t like going places.  I despise any form of transportation.  People die transporting themselves.  They die.  And it’s boring.  I hate dying, and I hate being bored.  And who would play all my lovely video games?  Certainly not the servants.  No, I must stay in my house.  And besides, what interesting places could there possibly even be in the world?  Absurdity.

A Future Wealthy Duck


8 thoughts on “If I Was a Rich Duck

    1. I’m sure it would. I plan to never set foot in an airport ever again. No one’s searching this duck again! Plus, boats get attacked by pirates. And sink. So travel by sea is also not an option.


  1. Good to remember the pooper scoopers along with your fantastic menagerie. They could also sort out the people crushed by people-crushing money.
    I’ll add – two doors – your grand entrance and an innocuous sally forth, through you can slip in disguise to mingle with the plebs and find out what they really think.


    1. Yes, another good idea. I’ll dress up as a turkey or something, and they’ll be none the wiser.
      And that’s true. My servants must also clean up the money-crushed people. I’m certainly not going to do that. I’d provide them with the shovels, of course.


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