Unmusical Instruments

I first tried playing the recorder, and to this day, I despise that instrument.  No matter what I did, it always squeaked and screamed whenever I blew into it.  Not getting the hint that wind instruments were not for me, I later decided to buy an ocarina.  Same issue.  I actually got one that looks like the ocarina from “The Legend of Zelda” video game series, with the Triforce on it and everything, so it’s quite an adorable little thing.  I just can’t play it.  And I tried for a while.

            Still quite determined and devoid of basic common sense, I later got a flute.  It’s a pretty blue one, made out of clay, with designs on it.  I can’t make a sound on that thing.  There’s a cork inside it, and I have no clue if that’s even supposed to be in there.  Probably.  I’m sure all the fault lies with me.  I just can’t play wind instruments.

            So next, I tried the harp, a little wooden one.  Perhaps I’ll have better luck with string instruments, I thought.  Who knows.  I could never tune it.  I don’t know what note each string should be, and my tuner won’t cooperate.

            Finally, I found an instrument I can somewhat manage, the guitar.  I got a red electric one which I can play all right.  I even finally learned how to read music, but I am still awful at it.  I know what notes I’m looking at, but I can’t do the timing right.  I have no idea what they’re trying to tell me.  No idea.  And I can’t do chords…if that’s the thing where you hold more than one string down at once for one note.  My fingers don’t bend like that!  It’s absurd!

            And I still had trouble with tuning.  I now know which string should be what note (I mainly know which one is G, then work out from there), but I was still using the tuner that had quite an epic grudge against me.  I know I can get one that plugs into the guitar, but I don’t want to.  I am determined to reconcile the differences between me and that tuner, but no amount of talking and therapy has changed its opinion of me.  In fact, our relationship has gotten worse.  The last time I used it, it wouldn’t do anything at all.  Pluck as I may, it just ignored me.  So I got an idea.  I tried singing the notes, and this actually worked.  The lights started to come on, so I kept singing different notes until the light for the correct one came on, then I plucked the strings before they went out.  What a chore that was.

            By now, you’d think I’d be sick of instruments, but I later got another guitar.  I always thought those big wooden ones were quite lovely, and I’m not even a rock and roll type of person, so I don’t know why I chose an electric guitar as my first one.  Finally, I got myself an…acoustic guitar?  Is that what they’re called?  It’s quite pretty and is big, but weighs less than the other one.  And I like the sound better, and I don’t need to use a pick.  I don’t actually know why I used one before.  Anyway, another super thing about my acoustic guitar is that it comes with a built-in tuner.  I used it not long ago, and tuning was so easy.  I felt quite neat about myself.  This tuner actually likes me and doesn’t daydream when I need its help.

            Now when it comes to the actual playing of my guitar, I’m a little embarrassed.  I don’t actually play any real songs on it.  Just…well…video game music.  It’s quite fun, but probably pretty geeky.  I don’t use any sheet music, but figure out the notes myself.  I rather enjoy plucking strings until I get the right note, and then if I’m lucky and manage to finish the whole song, I write the notes down.  Then, I memorize it.  I’m actually working on a song from “Super Mario Galaxy” now.  I have about half of it, but am still too lazy to write any of it down.  Oh, well.

Not A Musical Duck