Four Years Ago

Oh, yes.  Here comes another nerd-post, four years in the making.  My obsession knows no bounds, and all this time, I haven’t forgotten the secret video that you could watch at the end of “Kingdom Hearts 2”.  Oh, the suspense, the mystery!  A secret video that will surely be one of the most epic things I will ever behold.  Before I managed to unlock it myself, I saw it on the Internet, and it was, indeed, pretty darn epic.  I remember a barren place, thousands of Keyblades, several people in armor, and a very evil looking old man.  It turned out to be for another Kingdom Hearts game that would come out in the future, “Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep”.  I have been waiting all these years for the bizarrely named game, sometimes patiently, sometimes impatiently.

            The game takes place ten years or so before the originals.  You play through the stories of three Keyblade wielders, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, and then if you get all of Xehanort’s Reports (I’m totally naming a pet Xehanort someday), you get to play the Final Episode.  I didn’t find everything I needed the first time (in Terra’s story, so I’ll just blame him), so I had to get it and re-fight the final boss.  No way was I playing through three stories and not finding out what happens at the end!

            But, I won’t get into that.  I don’t want to spoil anything.  But, it will mostly answer questions such as, “Why the heck does Ven look like Roxas?” (Or is it Roxas that looks like Ven?…)  And “How come there’s another person named Xehanort?”  And of course, “What the crap is with that title?”  At first, you may become even more confused than you were before, but it starts to make sense later.

            The game was pretty much a delight, but you go through each world three times because of the three stories.  You get different bits of the story each time and sometimes explore different parts of each world, but it can get a little old.  I like the fighting better in this game than in the earlier ones, though.  There’s no magic power now, so you can use magic attacks as much as you want.  You just have to wait for it to reload before you can use it again.  So I got to Thundaga the crap out of everyone.  Good stuff.  And no doubt healed hundreds of times because for the life of me, I can almost never get through anything without getting quite injured.  It must be the characters’ fault.  They’re stupid sometimes.  It’s certainly not me….

            And by the way, there’s something in the game I really wanted to see, and I pretty much got my way, which rarely happens.  I was quite delighted, but I won’t tell you what I’m talking about.  Besides that, the game took me about 48 hours, though I never unlocked its secret video.  Maybe I’ll just look on Youtube sometime.  Youtube’s neat.  Character-wise, I liked Ven the most.  And I liked his story the most, too.  Poor Aqua was mostly not interesting.  And I don’t like her voice.  I know, I’m mean.  But, it bugs me.  Almost as much as I despise those Mandrakes or whatever…  Sadly, there were no tiny, fluffy, baaing sheeps like in Final Fantasy XIII, not that I expected anything.  But, from now on, every game should include mini sheep, whether it makes sense or not.  “Halo”, mini sheep.  “Wii Fit”, mini sheep.  “Call of Duty”, mini sheep.  Heck, I’ve never played “Call of Duty”, so who knows, maybe mini sheep would make sense.  So take note, video game companies.  Mini sheep.

            My apologies to those who haven’t played “Kingdom Hearts”.  You probably have no clue who or what I’m talking about.  When I’m a millionaire, I’ll buy you all Playstation 7’s or whatever they have by then, plus “Kingdom Hearts”, and you will understand.  You’re welcome.

Kingdom Ducks


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