I met it several years ago, and it was a difficult relationship. It didn’t drink or gamble away its money, but it was still a rotten little hole in my life. It was a rectangular prism of evil. I don’t know what was wrong with it. Only that it lurks in the darkest shadows of my mind, not unlike what it’s probably doing right now in the home of its newest victim. If it doesn’t simply roam the streets and alleys somewhere, feasting on whatever rubbish it can find. It was…my very first XBox.
My PS2 is refurbished (whatever that means), and it’s fantastic! It works like new, and I love it very much! So several years ago, I thought I’d save money and buy a refurbished XBox, but that was a mistake. I don’t know what happened to the poor thing. Maybe it was a kind machine once. Maybe it baked cookies and picked flowers like the rest of my console friends. Maybe. But, no longer. No, now it was corrupted beyond all hope of redemption. Possessed with a hatred of all that is good.
It was a wicked, little mutant. The disc tray was different than what it should have been, and who knows if it even had a fan. It would overheat all the time, and I knew this to be so because it worked best when the cooler was on. Plus, even though the plug, they told me, was a special kind to prevent fires, it was this huge thing that scalded me many a time when I touched it. I finally returned it and paid a little more for a new XBox, unadulterated by the evils of this world. Still an innocent little creature that had not been experimented on by whichever scientist had committed this atrocity. And that XBox is my current one, who had a smaller plug that did not incinerate my digits whenever I came in contact with it and still had the disc tray it was born with. And best of all, it worked.
But, recently I’ve felt a bit bad because this poor XBox is going to receive less attention now that I have its younger brother, the 360. I still love it, though. And I know it loves me, too. From its spot in the closet, on top of the old box the Wii came in (so it doesn’t have to touch the carpet). Don’t think I neglect it, though. It gets a nice dust every once in a while, while its wires are lovingly laid out just so as to prevent damage. And it gets to sit with my Game Boy Advance and Playstation Portable. Oh, the fun they have! Gossiping about their fellow consoles, having tea parties. Yes, it’s a good life for my consoles.
But, sometimes I still think of that first XBox. A monster from a gamer’s worst nightmares. To this day, it may very well be tormenting another poor soul. Beware the XBox with the giant plug and the abnormal disc tray. Take heed of my warning, or you could be its next victim.